Musings During Adoration

This was written last year after Holy Thursday services, during adoration

"Lord, what are you trying to show me today?"

Right now, I want to fall asleep just as the apostles did on that night. I am weary from my daily fight, just as they were weary from theirs; however, it was just when they felt as if they can no longer continue that God asks them to give more than they have ever had to give. Just as he is doing with you, right now.

Yet, He never asks without giving in return. That same night, they were given the keys to the kingdom, the gateway to eternal life. He entrusted His entire kingdom to these human men and gave then the blessing of eternal salvation, but all they wanted was sleep. Just like you.

Worn down from fighting day in and day out for a peace and joy that seems to slide through your fingers the very moment you think you’ve finally caught it. You are tired, just as they were.

Now, when you read the story of these men in the garden, you can clearly see the foolishness of these faithful disciples– but you also know the rest of the story. You know the tragedy that was to take place over the next 24 hours and the luminous grace to come 72 hours after that. But they didn’t. They couldn’t see this coming, despite His warnings. They were simply world weary men, hoping for a moments rest from the war. Just. Like. You.

Will you fall asleep just as the Lord is seeking for you most urgently? You could say no, say you have a renewed fervor to remain alert in the Lord, which is true, but you also know that you are simply a tired human girl. As you sit here gazing at the tabernacle, your sleep deprived eyes drooping, the irony is not lost on you.

I am vividly aware of my humanity and the tradition that I share in. I am painfully understanding of my human weakness, but I also can see what a beautiful and rich ancestry I share in. The weary men that fell asleep on Jesus in the garden were the same rocks on which He built His church. They are some of the bravest, most faithful, and strongest people to ever walk the face of the earth. And they were human. Just like you.

So, as my eyes fall and my head drops to the floor, I ask God to help me remain alert when He needs me, but I also know that He will be here to pick me up when I inevitably fail. I wonder what is in store for me that I cannot yet understand, just as these men could not understand. What meaning will the future color this simple moment with?

Jen is a junior engineering student from NY, amazing chef/baker, queen of hospitality, and guest writer. Although she does not live in household(but she will next year!), she remains active in our Catholic community on campus and is a favorite house guest. This excerpt comes from her testimony at Women's Night is an a continuation of of our Provers 31:25 series.