13 Things I Learned Last Semester

Beyond head to toe physical assessment, the social determinants of health, and in depth anatomy and physiology and even experiential learning in Chile, there have been many other lessons learned along the way of my third semester of college:

(Taken at the top of Cerro Manquehue in Santiago Chile on January 1, 2018

We Need Sisterhood.

This was my first semester in the women’s household. I promise I’m not just saying this because this is our house blog, but deciding to live here was one of the best decisions I have ever made. When I said yes, I thought I understood what I was getting into…I was wrong in the best way possible... because all my expectations were exceeded! Yes, we still have room to improve to better serve and live as Christian women, but we’re striving together for holiness and it isn’t the normal college experience. When classes are over, I don’t return to a dorm or apartment, I go home to my second family. This semester was a reminder that while we need community in aspects of life, as Catholic women we need to surround ourselves with other women of faith, women who are seeking holiness, and women who know their identity as daughters of the King. These women hold us up in prayer, understand the journey we are walking, inspire us, and help us come to know Jesus. I am often asked, “Is it hard to be Catholic at Penn?” I used to immediately say ‘yes,’ and while it is not an easy way to choose Jesus every day on a college campus, living in household has strengthened me on this journey. I went to an all girls’ Catholic Dominican High School, and I would like to say that I understood the magnitude of this lesson in sisterhood, but I don’t think I fully grasped it until this year within a home that reflects heaven into the little moments of everyday. It’s one of those things I don’t think we’re able to grasp if we’ve never experienced it, but once we do there is no turning back.

(Looking for other women of faith? Ring our doorbell! It’s not a joke, I can wholeheartedly say the women I live it with would love to meet you and know you.)

See the Sacred in the Ordinary

There are still many graces I continue to receive from my experience on El Camino de Santiago, but one especially constant this semester was to “Find the sacred in the ordinary.” When you are walking on pilgrimage, a journey for a religious purpose, you are not in some alternate universe. You are still just walking. You see the same things you frequently see in daily life, or at least similar to them. Suddenly a cow on the side of the road becomes sacred. Even though you’ve seen plenty of cows during your times on a farm, you suddenly you ponder what this cow could mean. How is God speaking you to you in that moment? You are so in tune with the voice of the Lord. The Camino didn’t end after 322 km in Santiago, Spain on June 1, 2017 for me. It continues everyday. So this past semester, even in the rushing and business, I was always reminded to still seek the sacred, to ask God for eyes to see Him in the hustle and bustle of 38th Street.

Give it all back to God

Not sure if you’ve ever heard the Mandisa song “Back to You,” but my junior year of high school it was our annual Holy-n-Good Triduum Retreat theme song with the whole retreat reflecting on the Paschal Mystery and how we can give everything in our lives back to God. I was thinking how Penn students “burn the candle at both end” and are “so well rounded,” but where do our priorities lie? What do we put out whole selves into? Why? Ask me how many times I’ve heard, “You’re spreading yourself too thin.” I’ve thought about this often because it’s a priority of mine to continue living a healthy life and to not be ignorant, but since coming to Penn I have found that I continue to better discern where my gifts are talents are most needed. And even though I may be busy, I don’t find myself overwhelmed because I continuously pray for guidance on where I am most needed. So trying my best in school, investing in relationships, leading within the Catholic Church, and doing work and extracurriculars where I know I have the opportunity to build the kingdom on Earth don’t lead to burnout because of how I do them. First, I lean on God and then I try my best (yes I still fail often) to give it all –my time and talent and resources- back to Him. So when you feel overwhelmed, think about how you spend all your time. Be honest. Know the Lord isn’t calling you to life that will leave you bored and tired and unfulfilled, but that by His grace and in choosing to do His work, you will not fail.

God’s Timing is Perfect

This is a funny one….I’m actually laughing as I write because we all hands down have had moments where we did not feel this way. Probably more than one moment. However, this semester I was continuously struck by God’s timing. As I mature in my own faith, I look at the experience of household and the timing of new relationships and how somehow I’m coordinating my parish’s youth ministry from afar and I know that if some of these things came any earlier in my life, I might not have said yes. I may have not been formed enough or correctly. I may have missed out on experiences to grow in faith or come to know incredible people. Even with my homeless friends that I’ve encountered, I know God has a reason that we met each other at that specific time. There are many moments when He presents me with people or opportunities to speak Truth. And with faith we know that He still prepares our hearts for what is coming even if we have no idea what it is. He sees all the pieces even when we only have a few that often don’t seem to fit together.

Prayer is Absolutely Essential.

At the beginning of the year, Fr. Matt asked us if our weekly semester schedules included time penciled in for Jesus. This semester was the first semester where I was most on track with scheduled time for Jesus in addition to the spontaneous and, yes, it made a HUGE difference! Obedience to the small task of waking up extra early for house prayer as a community was a good thing. But I knew that wasn’t enough. Reading the daily readings every day; remembering our Mother’s desire to intercede for us; and praying the Rosary or even a Hail Mary often; getting mass whenever possible (and this past semester I avoided classes at noon most days); Wednesday night adoration, time to spend with Jesus right there in front of you; saying yes whenever some suggested the Liturgy of the Hours; personal prayer in the chapel; or on the roof or while walking between classes; set aside prayer time within a dating relationship; truly reflecting on sin in my own life and my need for God’s mercy and healing each week through the sacrament of reconciliation: all of these things made a difference in my relationship with the Lord. One thing my high school religion classes got right was the practice of journaling which has really been central to my prayer life since starting college. Disclaimer: I do not succeed at all these things every day...at all, but when I do I know I am growing closer to Him and who He made me to be. But I encourage you to pick up time to be still and quiet. Spend time with Jesus Don’t get frustrated when you forget or “don’t feel anything.” Remember that feelings and emotions can lead us to do great things, but whether or not you “feel” anything, God is with you. He hears you. He knows you. He loves you.

Personal Invitation Makes a Difference

It’s very easy to just want to hang out with your best friends all the time. However, some people have yet to find “their people”. Some people are praying for friendship and community. When you reach out to someone, it makes a difference. We all have a desire to be known and loved, and while this is firstly fulfilled through God, we often feel His love through others. This past semester I have met so many wonderful human beings. I think back to my first day of work waiting for the office to be unlocked with a freshman nursing student who I never before met. Through our conversation and sharing my heart I learned that she was looking for Catholic Community, so I invited her to a few things and now she’s living in Household next year! I may have never known her enthusiasm and joy if I decided to just sit away from her on my phone that morning. It is so important to #INVEST in relationships with other people. The theme of our household this year is Reckless Love (listen to the song if you haven’t heard it yet). It is all about recognizing the love we receive from the Lord. We do not deserve it. We could never earn that kind of unconditional love, yet “the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God” is real and beautiful for us. We are called to love others this same way. Love them without fear of rejection. Love them even if you barely known them and work to change that.

It isn’t comfortable.

This is another “fun” one! We live in a world that praises putting ourselves first and staying comfortable, but following Jesus is radical. We talk about “carrying our crosses.” And when we live as he created us to be It. Is. Not. Comfortable. I talked about prayer and God’s timing and open hearts and trust, but it is still not easy. I still fear having to be vulnerable with other people because, well… talk about being uncomfortable. People aren’t God. We fail and we disappoint and we hurt others. I have moments where I doubt this mission. Praying out loud with other people beyond the typical “Hail Mary’s” and “Our Father” memorized comfort, is not easy for me. I am continuously trying to “like” small groups, because I never enjoyed sharing with strangers. Guess who never ever “wants” to lead a group for Christ in the City initially? Ask me how many times Nicole has heard from me “Ugh but I don’t want to! You’re better at this.” I don’t like being uncomfortable and vulnerable, but I have identified this and realized God has called me up and out of these feelings to something greater. I know how to be the surface level “good Catholic girl.” I’ve had years of practice. But what does that even mean? What does it truly mean to be a disciple? Because it doesn’t mean comfortable. It is a cross that calls you to lay your pride down and see Jesus dying for you. See the image of suffering He went through for you. Apostles in the early church faced challenge and persecution. They faced death, and today this means dying to self over and over and over again, and it doesn’t get easier. Whether you find yourself constantly doubting or standing unwavering in Truth, we called out of comfort to sacrifice, to follow, to lead, and to rejoice in the promise of His Love.

Open Your Heart. Open Your Mouth. God Will Speak Through You

Sometimes all He asks is that our hearts be open, which can be heard, but it is worth it. I have seen and felt the Lord speaking to me through others and I know that He has the same desire to speak through you and me. There are so many opportunities for this. When you are asked to lead a prayer, pause and call upon the Holy Spirit and pray “Your words not mine, Lord.” When your friend needs to talk to you about a difficult situation in their life, don’t stress about saying the wrong thing, but diligently listen and pray as they speak. This happens time and time again with Christ in the City. I hear so much suffering and pain on the street and usually I do listen, but when I need to speak, I call upon the name Jesus. It even comes to be true with witness talks or blog posts. Fun fact: there were a few women who said my blog post about living in the house was exactly what their heart needed to hear and I take no credit because while writing I kept praying for the women that would read it and asked the Lord what they needed to hear. All you have to do is open your heart, offer your voice, and trust in Him.

Study Hard…Including Our Faith

We study so many different subjects in college, but do we know what we believe when it comes to our faith? During my time here at Penn I have been part of our women's study ENDOW (Educating on the Nature and Dignity of Women) where we study, reflect on, and converse about writings like JP II’s Mulieris Dignitatem and his “Letter to Women,” and the teachings of Aquinas from Summa Theologiae. In our house small group we have been studying the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Through it I have come to discover Jesus on a new level through knowledge and thought beyond emotion. Our faith is rooted in Truth which we can only come to understand and speak with confidence and conviction as we study it ourselves.

People are People.

Seems like we’re back in kindergarten with this one. But this was a continuous reminder from God all semester specifically for me with Christ in the City. This semester I kind of developed my own regular route to visit friends on the street. From the men who only speak Spanish, to the woman who wholeheartedly believes she’s a witch, to the two best friends who bounce between recovery and relapse, I encounter so much diversity on the street. Conversations get difficult, but I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be on Friday nights. I have the honor and privilege of accompanying these people. As I continue to grow in this ministry I am less surprised by what I see or hear and I am very conscious of my own biases and judgments. There are times I want to run in the other direction when I get yelled at, but minutes later when the same man is shaking with tears of suffering, I am reminded of his personhood. Maybe the homeless are a more extreme example, but Jesus calls us to see our own biases and judgments and overcome them because each person is a person. Everyone is a perfect creation of God worthy of all dignity no matter how old or how young, born or unborn, rich or poor, our best friend or the person that gets under our skin the most.

He Sets Us Free.

Sometimes God can only work when we let Him in and ready our hearts. In September we had our Men’s and Women’s Household Retreat. We talked about being honest about exactly where we were in our faith. I was as honest as I could be in small group. And then after time of prayer, I knew it was time to really surrender. It was time to let someone else in. See, the greatest lie of Satan is isolation, leading us to be too ashamed to ever possibly tell anyone besides whispering to a priest in a darkened confessional that you’ll never see again how you are struggling (if you even get that far). But Jesus died and rose again to set us free from sin! We are not alone. We cannot believe the lies of the Evil One. That night on a blanket on the roof of the house I finally found the courage to drop the weight of sin I was bearing alone for too long. And guess what: I wasn’t rejected or shamed or condemned or lectured: I was loved. I’m not going to tell you it isn’t scary, but I am going to say that Jesus conquered death and all fears. We cannot love or serve or live the lives we are created to live when we are carrying the weight of sin and are suffering wounds of shame. Run to Jesus in the Sacrament of Confession OFTEN. Believe it or not I was the girl in grade school that used to freak out before confession and only go when I had to, and slowly Jesus broke through all the walls around my heart as I let Him. I still fall a lot, but I know I have to get up and seek His mercy that He died to give us. We need His grace. And we need to know that we aren’t alone. The Church is filled with brothers and sisters who will listen, who will hold us accountable, and will love us.

Find your People. And Cling to Them!

Every single day, without exaggeration and without exception, I am reminded that our God is faithful. The summer between high school and college my most frequent prayers were to find good, virtuous friends in college. Within the entire Newman community of young Catholics, I have found “my people.” The friends I’ve found are the ones that I’m confident I will have forever. They are the people who fill my life with the moments where I feel like I’m in a religion book because before meeting them I thought the laughter and conversation and Christ-centered friendships could only be as true as the religion book stock photos in grade schools. These friends are honest and authentic. They call me on to holiness and hold me to a higher standard. They don’t want me to experience the hills and valleys of life from a distance, but they accompany me through it all on our mission to love. They have redefined to college experience to such a beautiful time in life. Yes, we have plenty of adventures and laughter and fun times and inside jokes, but we are focused on the same thing: Jesus. And because of this these friends are the ones that will listen, the ones that help you process, the ones the show you the Truth when you are too close to see it with your own eyes.When you find your people, people like the ones I’m describing, cling to them and don’t let go. Invest in the relationships and know that these people are a gift from God.

Be not afraid.

Ending on three simple words that appear 365 times in the Bible. Clearly they are important. It is so incredibly easy to worry as a college student about grades, finances, classes, success, career, family, friends, sin, our vocation...you name it. When the Angel appeared to Mary to tell her she was chosen to be the mother of the Son of God as an unwed teenager, she was first reminded to not be afraid because her heart was probably filled with questions, doubt, and fear. Yet, heaven touched Earth because she overcame her fear to say yes to Lord. We are called to do the same. Our Yes to Him is a Yes to light that cannot be overcome no matter how dark our world may seem. When we need courage to live a countercultural life of faith, when we feel like we aren’t enough, when we feel like we are drowning in expectations of this world, when we cannot feel his presence…we can choose to not be afraid.

Start being brave about everything. Drive out darkness and spread light. Don’t look at your weaknesses. Realize instead that in Christ crucified you can do everything. ~Saint Catherine of Siena